The Descent Of Decency

by Footprints In The Custard

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FLESH MECHANIC This album will make you want to go skateboarding across a galaxy while slaying Vikings, drinking booze, killing wildlife and windmilling with shit in your hair. Favorite track: Party Metal.
Matt Cross
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Matt Cross more hilarity and indecency from these lovable chaps, keep it coming Favorite track: Wankclaw.
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Footprints In The Custard's third full-length album 'The Descent Of Decency' - 13 tracks of heavy as balls silliness.


released May 21, 2016



all rights reserved


Footprints In The Custard Manchester, UK

In the summer of 2006, a group of bored college students decided to form a band. Pizza, Whisky and Pepto Bismal. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect band. But Professor Utonium accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction... Chemical X.

Thus Footprints In The Custard were born!

Three albums, an EP and a Christmas single later, no one has died or gone on fire. Yet.
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Track Name: Year Of The Weasel
Released from self-served exile
The year of the weasel has come
For five long years he has waited
Now he’s back and the plan of attack
Is to party and get messed up
Fuck yeah let’s get annihilated

Come on everybody
Move your bodies
Shake your arses swing your hair
It’s the party
To end all parties
Raise your glasses to the air

You know you’ve all got invites
Into his lair we go
BYOB, let’s get wasted
Now we’re here, scream and cheer
Let your inhibitions go
The thrill is so intoxicating

Yeah, do the moon dance
Move like a weasel
Down all of the shots
Fall like a weasel
Get into a fight
Punch like a weasel
Try out your luck
And fuck like a weasel

Party into the early hours
It’s what we were born to do
This gathering was long awaited
In the burrow you forget your sorrow
And live in the moment again
All is great when you’re inebriated
Track Name: Wankclaw
One day in my youth, I fell upon my knees
To give my jellied eel, a good and mighty squeeze
Suddenly a stiffening, in my moist and hairy paw
I looked down in terror, at my newly formed wankclaw

Erotic rigor mortis
Brought me to this end
With this grotesque gauntlet
The streets I shall defend

Flee from me
What is that it smells like cheddar?
Flee from me
I have wanked my dick to fetters
Flee from me
In a pool of jizz I lay
Flee from me
I am Wankclaw, save the day!


I patrol the streets, with my love gruel coated claw
Villains and rapscallions, can only scream in awe
I descend upon them, a terror in the night
And with my glove of love, I'll set this world aright

Fall before me minor lords of mischief!
I am the sausage in the clambake of law!
I shall invoke terror in your slack peckers!
I shall tear your asunder with my wankclaw!

The lugubrious chapter of Wankclaw is nigh!
With my deformed hand I shall smite thee!
No hovel is safe from my thrusting creeper!
The snivelling quims shall fall before me!

This is now my fate, on this day forever more
All because I wanted, to spank my man meat raw
So I will stalk in darkness, and shun the hated light
So I may be the hero, the Wankclaw in the night!
Track Name: The Descent Of Decency
People of earth
Heed these words
And you'll see
This is the way it's meant to be
Five sages
Across the land
Join as one
Fight for the right to fuck for freedom

Covering the world
In purple and in green
Raise your banners high
For the lords of the obscene

On this fateful night
We will rise

Masters of the filth
We breathe vulgarity
Bringing forth the end
The descent of decency
We will turn to ashes
The world you knew before
Cos Footprints in the Custard
Are declaring an all-out war

Take to the streets
And bear arms
Might combined
Convert the jerks who're disinclined
Make some noise
Join the ranks
Our catharsis
Pull down their pants and fuck their arses

On this fateful night
We hold our member high and unite
Track Name: Party Metal
Turn up the sound, turn up the bass
Let’s get smashed and off our faces
Let’s get this party started
Blast out metal and down some shots
Eye up someone you want to fuck
And we’ll get fucking wasted

I know there’s no better feeling
And I doubt you’ll disagree
Rocking out with a beer in my hand
Drunken dancing, singing
With all my friends around me

Tonight we’re getting messy dance ‘til we drop
Feel the pump of the metal filling you up
Banging our heads hard and stamping our feet
Scream and shout out loud and move to the beat
Cracking out cold beers and downing in one
Do a tactical chunder - carry on
Lose all of your clothes get outta control
With friends, drink and metal we are whole

The world is swimming, the beats are fast
There are lots of strangers touching your ass
Had too much I can’t see straight
You can’t get served you’ll go without
Start a pit and get kicked out
You’re far too drunk for this mate

Track Name: Hanging With David Carridine
Chilling out in the hotel room
Rocking some wood not got much to do
Feeling kinky – fetch the rope
Give Hittori Hanzo a stroke
Remember the scouts? Tie some knots
Let’s give something new a shot
Round my neck so nice and tight
Squirt my semen in delight

Lock the door
Tie the tie
And hope to hell
That you don’t die

Hanging with David Carradine
Touches all the pressure points
Swinging together for eternity
Could never disappoint
Hanging with David Carradine
I’m so happy I can’t breathe
Just killing my Bill to the extreme
Until my balls begin to seethe

Pulling out the fancy dress
Fishnet stockings are the best
Why is everything depraved?
When I’m hanging out with my mate Dave?
I wish I hadn’t volunteered
Things are getting a bit too weird
Clashing blades in a Thai closet
Not the best way to go was it?

Stephen Milligan did transgress
Michael Hutchence did it in excess
(Strangle noises)
Let’s do the strangle wank!

Block up the airways
And sample the flavour
You’re gonna be grateful
For the labour
When you reach climax
The feeling you’ll savour
But tomorrow you’ll be found
By your neighbour
Track Name: Close Enough To Clunge
Get the drinks in, get your clothes off
Tonight we’re playing a game
Deal the cards out, spin the bottle
Tonight I have no shame

Just when it seemed to be going my way
It started to look like a bad choice to play

Close enough to clunge
To wash the pain away
Close enough to clunge
That I’m not completely gay

I’m so close I can see it
I wish that I could touch it
Maybe I’ll spaff all on it
Oh God I’m close enough to clunge

Keep on playing, keep on trying
I hope my luck will turn
He blows me a kiss, it’s gone wrong
My stomach starts to churn

I’m getting more guy than girl this time
All of the risks are starting to climb

It’s so close I can smell it
I wish that I could taste
I really want to fuck it
Oh God I’m close enough to clunge

There’s a beard in my mouth, a rough hand in my hair
But this clunge is so close that I just don’t care
I can’t take this torture one second more
I’m trying to escape but I’m nailed to the floor

One more time I’ll give it a try
One more time it’ll be alright
One more time just for kicks
Finally the girl is mine

I just wanna kiss it
Maybe I’ll spit on it
I think I want to shave it?
I God I’m close enough to…

Close enough to clunge
The pain has gone away
Close enough to clunge
I think I’m gonna spray

I’ll put my fingers in it
I’ll rub my junk all on it
I’ll ease my cock into it
Oh God I’m close enough
Oh yeah I’m close enough
Fuck yeah I’m close enough to clunge
Track Name: Sympathy Lick
Let me set a scene
A scenario if you will
A tale of devotion
And a really useful skill
She's sat on the bed one day
With sorrow in her eyes
Without a word of warning
She breaks down and cries

Lay her down onto the bed
Spread her legs and eat her out

There will be times when your lover is down
And all that you want is to vanquish their frown
Get on your knees and give a sympathy lick
Tongue it in good yeah, don't shoot for the brown
Drink up the pink and just go to town
Show her you love her with a sympathy lick

There's always time for a sympathy lick

Tongue rigor mortis
And the circle of ecstasy
Probing through the labia
Of their vaginal destiny
Clitoral stimulation
Of an intrinsic design
Muscular envelopment
Under the hood of the divine

Suck those flaps
Tongue punch her
Fish taco
Fur Burger

Sneeze in the cabbage of your lover tonight
Yodel the valley of her growler, oh right
Mumble her moss in a way that's only polite
Lip-sync her juke box and tongue-dance up high
Chew the she-fat in her sweet cherry pie
Give a moustache ride and everything is all right!

There's always time for a sympathy lick
Track Name: Making The Eight
Highgarden girls, show us your bush
Is it stripped clean, is the foliage lush
River run girls, fish on your breath
Open your legs, your flaps reek of death

Iron born girls, we don’t sow
But I’ll stick it somewhere your daddy won’t know
Redkeep girls, queen or a whore
They all look the same when they suck on my boar

Yeah, these are the girls I’m looking for
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 more

The iron throne will have to wait
I want a girl from every horizon
It’s all first rate when you’re making the eight
By the Gods I feel the dragon rising

Remember when we crossed swords and touched tips
Just to get the Dornish girls to show us their tits
A Lannister girl from Casterly Rock
Dress like her brother so she sits on my cock

Stormlands girl, I start to flag
Bedded a beauty, woke up with a hag
Something’s wrong, an epic fail
My manhood breaks whilst up the Vale


It’s over now – I’m off to bed
I caught syphilis and warts from Cersei
With a flaking knob and pounding head
May the seven gods have mercy......on me
Track Name: Bouncy Bouncy
Up and down, bounce all around
Having lots of fun on a bouncy castle
Jumping around, upside down
Don't fall over, do a flip

Bounce really high, reach for the sky
I'm so happy, bouncing with you
The sun is out, the birds are singing
Bouncing together, let's do a sex!

Up and down, take off your pants
Having lots of fun, why are you smiling
Jumping around, hold on tight
You're getting kind of rough, it's starting to hurt

Bounce really high, it feels sublime
I'm so happy, I'm inside you
The sun is out, I think I'm bleeding
Bouncing together, why've you got a knife

I've been destroyed and I'm pretty sure there's blood
In the beginning it all looked quite fun
Don't tell my mum, I don't want the hassle
But I got destroyed on a bouncy castle

Bounce, bounce, bounce, seduction
Bounce, bounce, bounce bleed
Bounce, bounce, bounce, destruction
Bounce, bounce, bounce, yeah
Track Name: Waltz Of The Bear
If you go down to the woods today
Horror will dine with your soul
In the deep of the night a tune will play
And swallow your sanity whole

A sinister dance that entrances the mind
Then you are under their spell
They plan to engulf all of mankind
And leave just an empty shell

Come dance with me
Under the moonlight
A strange and grizzly affair
Deep in the woods
Surrender outright
And join the waltz of the bear

The bears have gathered from all around
Swaying from side to side
They sense their prey and move to surround
So you cannot run or hide

Dark vacant eyes and teeth stained with red
Their advancement fills you with fear
The music enthrals all ‘til their dead
It’s the last thing you’ll ever hear

There’s no escape
The bears have you now
You are theirs to command
They’ve taken your towns
They’re inside your homes
Mankind erased from the land
Track Name: Thundercunt

Rumbling from the heavens
A new beast on the hunt
Turning every eye
A soul-enticing cunt

Heat-seeking climate change
A labial lament
Vibrating, drenched, insane
A cyclone of intent

Dark clouds forming
The sign her flange will sound a warning
Intense storming
Electric discharge, shocking, scorning

She’s on the prowl
With a bite and a growl
She’ll have you pleading for more
With a clap and a roar

Thrashed against the rocks
With all you thought you knew
This girl seduces cock
Iridescent through and through

A mighty crash of thunder
A Godly clunge decants
Its treasure and its plunder
In your heart and in your pants

Squall line sounding
The gaping rage – it swallows you
Endless pounding
It won’t stop until you’re through

She’s a Thundercunt
She’s a Thundercunt
She’s a Thundercunt
She’s a Thundercunt
Track Name: The Fappening
I see in front of me
The dream, the fantasy made reality
It's all free to me now
I can feel it

One, two, a hundred times
Obsession grows and grows
I can't stop coming back
So much to see

It's all over for me now
I can't believe it’s happening
My eye opens and closes
This is The Fappening

All there for me to see
Willing away the hours, the weeks
Can it be enough (or too much)
I can take the pain

I need to keep going
It’s all I ever wanted
I won’t let it end
It’s never going to end

Rapture, euphoria, enchantment, addiction
The flesh, the violation, oh God...I'm back for more

Such a sad state
Wretched, sore and alone
No morality, no implication
I am destroyer destroyed
Track Name: Merlin In Berlin
In the distant future of the year 1945, a portal of purple light opens in the sky
King Authur has sent Merlin through time to destroy a tyrant that threatens our very way of life
Join us on a tale of love and vengeance, where nothing is what it seems
Merlin must bring down Adolf Hitler's Robo-Nazi empire, close the rupture in space-time and restore freedom to the galaxy forever

Landing on his feet in a stance-of-glory
Facing Berlin's streets of blazing-fury
Yeah, he's fucking cool
Without hesitation the mecha-hun are on him
Firing laser lugers and blitzkrieg-a-bombing
Ha, so what?

Merlin stuns the axis horde with a lightning flash from the skies
And uses Mecahmedes, his robot owl, to take their fucking eyes

Merlin - Hunting down the Nazis - In Berlin
Merlin – Magic in their faces - In Berlin
Merlin - In leather on a war bike - In Berlin
Merlin - Fucking up the Third Reich -In Berlin
He's a badass wizard motherfucker

Dealing out some kickass Nazi karma
Breaking them in half with his robot-armour
He's a silver haired fox
Sick-ass magic that'll surely entice you
Taking out Schutzstaffel with fire and ice, yeah!
Smooth as fuck

Wearing SS officer skin, Merlin infiltrates their ranks
Summoning forth Truman & Churchill in giant spider tanks

Merlin - Riding in on lightnin' - In Berlin
Merlin - Magic's kinda frightnin' - In Berlin
Merlin - Taking down the Fuhrer - In Berlin
Merlin - Saving mankind's future - In Berlin
Magic Rambo, motherfucker. Yeah.

Do my balls smell like Hitler
Do my testes reek of fascism
Does my scrotum whiff of the signs of mankind gone wrong
Do my balls smell like Hitler

Well... no...

But if they did...

Then my pants would be alive with the sounds of genocide
And my gonads would burn with a blitzkrieg from which you can't hide
My balls would incite racial hatred and randomly attack Poland
Causing Britain and France to step in and shit to hit the fan

Wait what the fuck am I saying
Even if my balls did smell like a dead fascist dictator
Which in itself is extremely fucking unlikely I mean, who the fuck would even know
And why would the smell of my balls make me act like such a dick

What did Hitler even smell like?