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The Fanny Pee (2017)

by Footprints In The Custard

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1.
We’ve a mate called Bob And he’s one hell of a guy And he plays the drums And once sat on Rob Halford’s bike He likes to drink Though it’s often bad for his health He once pissed in a glass And tipped it all over himself Tipped it all over himself Tipped it all over himself Tipped it all over… He keeps bees! He is a beekeeper! Snaggy Bob’s his name! He sells drugs! He can ride a unicycle! Snaggy Bob, what a guy! Now that Snaggy Bob Put yourselves in his shoes He’s all by himself Drinking all of the booze On a busy commuter train Going to a metal concert Oh fuck, he needs to chuck He vomited on his shirt He vomited on his shirt He vomited on his shirt He vomited on his… He keeps bees! He is a beekeeper! Snaggy Bob’s his name! He sells drugs! He can ride a unicycle! Snaggy Bob, what a guy! Banned from Virgin Music store at the age of 11 Stores booze in pharmacy bags for safe keeping Kicked out of an Obituary gig before the show even started Spent a night in A&E for fighting over a pink ukulele He keeps bees! He is a beekeeper! Snaggy Bob’s his name! He sells drugs! He can ride a unicycle! Snaggy Bob, what a guy!
2.
I’ve got a sad fact about the world today Ignoring the hate and the hunger on display Dicks have been given a bad rep for far too long They’re not just about getting stuck up anything warm Willies are for weeing! Shout it out with me! Woo-woo wee-wee! Willies are for weeing! Willies are for weeing! I’ve got a cock it’s got a job it don’t mind at all Folks you gotta know he’s more than a meaty whore This motherfucker’s a lean mean fighting peen But he loves nothing more than hosing the porcelain Willies are for weeing! Shout it out with me! Woo-woo wee-wee! Willies are for weeing! Willies are for weeing! And all of my life I’ve been pissing every day And I know I love it DRAIN THE SNAKE DRAIN THE SNAKE DRAIN THE SNAKE DRAIN THE SNAKE DRAIN THE SNAKE DRAIN THE SNAKE SEE A MAN ABOUT A DOG AND DRAIN THE SNAKE Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa
3.
Here comes the hero with a heart made of fire Decimating mankind with alluring attire Riding in on horseback and slaying all foes Wielding a slide whistle he can play with his toes Furiously and endlessly, his enemies will fall Knocking back the alcohol he can take a bit of drink The sight of him in a dress pleases more than you’d think He’s a God and we’re mere men An existential paradox you cannot comprehend Some might say it’s decadence The Paul Taylor Experience Straddling a leviathan with a trident of light Annihilating anything that puts up a fight Staring into their eyes until all life is gone Looking a bit awkward when he doesn’t know what’s going on Men and women helplessly will answer to the call Dancing in Rebellion Bar with a Buckfast to quaff Wearing a mask of the lord David Hasslehoff He’s a God and we’re mere men An existential paradox you cannot comprehend Some might say it’s decadence The Paul Taylor Experience
4.
Ready Steady Fuck! A respected celebrity Is not who I'm meant to be Cookery and sodomy Feels so right for me Kidnap Helen Worth From Coronation Street Take her back to my kitchen To tenderise her meat I am Ainsley Harriet A well known chef and meme But fucking and cooking soap stars Has always been my dream Start fucking! I've got all my ingredients In these paper bags Red tomatoes, green peppers Stuff them up her ass Some might say the garnish Is pushing it too far But I will make her wetter than Richard Hillman's car Stuffing her with spicy meat The aroma is divine Can Fuck, Will Fuck Gail Platt Than cook and serve with wine I am Ainsley Harriet A well known chef and meme And serving a Gail Platter Has always been my dream Stop fucking! Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter Gail Platter
5.
Dick Pics 05:47
Home alone with just my phone And two or three bottles of wine You know that chicks like dick pics? I’ve heard it on the grapevine Whip it out, it’s short and stout And looking a bit worse for wear But on Instagram I can filter-spam To make it a more classy affair Close up with macro on The way dangles from several angles Resting on some bags of fun Wide lens to fit it in The inner sheen of a nectarine Glistening with remnants of cum Supplied Through satellites to you against your will Magnified A bulbous dong in mid-windmill You can’t hide It’s just a flick of your thumb away A barrage of fleshy snake soufflé Broadside Twenty guns of manliness explode Inside Your phone is full of sweaty chode Squint-eyed Stares you down and makes you sick I’m sending drunk pictures of my dick I’m super drunk and I’ve snapped my junk Now I bet that you’re wanting me And I’ll rejoice that you’re super moist And ignore it if you disagree Close up with macro on The way dangles from several angles Resting on some bags of fun Wide lens to fit it in The inner sheen of a nectarine Glistening with remnants of cum Supplied Through satellites to you against your will Magnified A bulbous dong in mid-windmill You can’t hide It’s just a flick of your thumb away A barrage of fleshy snake soufflé Broadside Twenty guns of manliness explode Inside Your phone is full of sweaty chode Squint-eyed Stares you down and makes you sick I’m sending drunk pictures of my dick Why’ve you not replied? Replying was implied I sent you pics of sack So you would love me back I snapped up my womb broom So I could make you swoon These pics I will regret When I find them on the net Supplied Through satellites to you against your will Magnified A bulbous dong in mid-windmill You can’t hide It’s just a flick of your thumb away A barrage of fleshy snake soufflé Broadside Twenty guns of manliness explode Inside Your phone is full of sweaty chode Squint-eyed Stares you down and makes you sick I’m sending drunk pictures of my dick Supplied Through satellites to you against your will Magnified A bulbous dong in mid-windmill You can’t hide It’s just a flick of your thumb away A barrage of fleshy snake soufflé Broadside Twenty guns of manliness explode Inside Your phone is full of sweaty chode Squint-eyed Stares you down and makes you sick I’m sending drunk pictures of my dick I'm sending drunk pictures of my dick again
6.
I’m an evil cunt, on that we’re all agreed I’m famous; I’ve got everything I need But I’ll tell you what I’m going to do Find the nearest defenceless child and then pursue Just see those fuckers stop me (stop me) I’m prime time, old ladies love me (they love me) I’ll do a jig and I’ll dance and I’ll laugh Who wants (an autograph)? Oh come on, take my hand, I’ll take you where the Yewtreers go There’s a party every night and we’ve got lots of blow The fuzz are hot on our heels so let’s skip out of town I’m a celeb, I’ll do what I want, so tie that kangaroo down Can you imagine being beyond the law Where every child is your own whore Well that’s my life and I don’t have to beg To show underage girls Jake the Peg Just see those fuckers stop me (stop me) I’m prime time, old ladies love me (they love me) I’ll do a jig and I’ll dance and I’ll laugh Who wants an autograph? (Can you tell what it is yet?) Just see those fuckers stop me (stop me) I’m prime time, old ladies love me (they love me) I’ll do a jig and I’ll dance and I’ll laugh Who wants (an autograph)? Oh come on, take my hand, I’ll take you where the Yewtree’ers go There’s a party every night and we’ve got lots of blow The fuzz are hot on our heels so let’s skip out of town I’m a celeb, I’ll do what I want, so tie that kangaroo down
7.
Battlemuff 07:03
When I was a young warrior, I was feared across the lands Until the time an axe wound turned that boy into a man Overpowered I fought back strong, every blow I did miss With a beastly yawn meat-flaps opened; I was lost to the abyss With a vicious gash my honour was snatched from me Slaughtered and bathed in spiteful promiscuity All hail the Battlemuff There was never a cunt as tough From the birth of man to Ragnarok It won’t stop ‘til it’s had your cock When I had sheathed, that leathered scabbard had been used a thousand times Valhalla lay before my eyes full of meat and wine I prayed to Thor to grant me strength, so my wife would not grieve And with a scream I drove my blade into that bearded meaty sleeve With the roar of a Troll and the howl of Fenrir she clenched onto me And elicited an act that even Heimdall should not see All hail the Battlemuff There was never a cunt as tough From the birth of man to Ragnarok It won’t stop ‘til it’s had your cock All hail the Battlemuff A thousand cocks were not enough All hail the Battlemuff A wretched beast so coarse and rough The seeds of life are drawn from me And laid bare for all to see

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Cover artwork Photo by: Thunderbolt Photography - www.facebook.com/ThunderboltPhotography

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released September 20, 2017

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Footprints In The Custard Manchester, UK

Award-winning Party Metal Band from Manchester, UK.

Heavy and catchy tunes about partying, smelly genitals, unusual sexual habits, and bears.

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