A New Low (2019) | Footprints In The Custard

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A New Low (2019)

by Footprints In The Custard

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vandywolf Modern Classic, footprints age like fine wine Favorite track: Don't Be A Cunt.

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The Left Hand Of Rob The album is funny, vulgar, heavy, metal, catchy, and makes you question your own sanity! Favorite track: Love Custard II - The Second Coming.

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CD/Shirt Combo!
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4 page Digipak, complete with 8 page booklet and vinyl style disc!

Album cover design, Gildan Heavy Garments* with a 6 colour print.

Manufactured by Awesome Merch - awesomemerchandise.com
Design by Pedley Art - www.facebook.com/pedleyart/

*3XL in Gildan Ultra only

Includes unlimited streaming of A New Low (2019) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

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'A New Low' Album Shirt
T-Shirt/Apparel
Album cover design, Gildan Heavy Garments* with a 6 colour print.

Manufactured by Awesome Merch - awesomemerchandise.com
Design by Pedley Art - www.facebook.com/pedleyart/

*3XL in Gildan Ultra only

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	1.	A New Low 00:55		buy track
	2.	Beer Goggles 02:40	lyrics	buy track
	Consumed by my weight in alcohol I need some cheesy chips and hole Vision’s like a washing machine In that it’s spinning, not that it’s making things clean Ow my belly My legs are jelly Everyone’s a sold ten out of ten When logic boggles My beer goggles Are going to get me in trouble again Baptised in my entire takeaway I need to get this end away But the floor is like a trampoline In that I can’t walk straight, you know what I mean? Ow my belly My legs are jelly Everyone’s a sold ten out of ten When logic boggles My beer goggles Are going to get me in trouble again Feeling irate It’s getting late But I can’t go home alone When logic boggles My beer goggles Got me chatting up a traffic cone You bastard I’m not plastered Having a fistfight with a tree When logic boggles My beer goggles Made me fall asleep in my own wee
	3.	Ride, My Little Pony, Ride! 03:29	lyrics	buy track
	Riding through the fields The sun beating down Your mane is so beautiful and long Raised you from a foal Our bond knows no bounds And so I sing our little pony song Ride my little pony, ride! Slay all our enemies Trample on their corpses And feast on their remains RIDE RIDE, RIDE RIDE RIDE, RIDE, RIDE, RIDE, RIDE Stopping by the stream So you can have a drink The days with you are so serene I love your clippy clop As we trot into town I’m so high on dopamine Ride my little pony, ride! Slay all our enemies Trample all their corpses And feast on their remains Trample, smash and break all of their bones Tear into their guts and eat their spleens Every day with you is the best day I love my pony in every single way Galloping for days The wind in my hair They said they could catch us but they’re wrong Your coat is so smooth We will kill them all And so I sing our little pony song Ride my little pony, ride! Slay all our enemies Trample all their corpses And feast on their remains
	4.	Tequila Nips 04:36	lyrics	buy track
	Descend upon the bar (With a sense of glee) Order tequila (Eyes are watching me) Lick a line of salt (More drunk than I would admit) And then I down the shot (God I need this hit) This fire takes a hold And spreads itself inside Elated and erect With passion I embrace my tequila nips The party’s just begun (Or have I been here days?) And I won’t be outdone (Permanently glazed) My head’s a spinning wheel (Completely on my ass) My nips are hard as steel (They could maybe cut glass) This fire takes a hold And spreads itself inside Elated and erect With passion I embrace my tequila nips TEQUILA-ILA-ILA-ILA-NIPS Bouncing off the walls (Expecting a comedown) I will fight you all (Or perhaps just sit down) Can’t drink any more (Planning to vamoose) Layout on the floor (Covered in lime juice) This fire takes a hold And spreads itself inside Elated and erect With passion I embrace my tequila nips
	5.	Motherfucking Hangover 03:51	lyrics	buy track
	As the world spins around me And light intrudes my eyes A pain overcomes me And decimates this life There’s no recollection What have I become? Loss of all direction Pounding of the drums I wish I was dead I wish I was dead The pain inside Laced with spite Acid lethal breath Give me death death death Crawling on all fours Clawing at the doors I swear upon my life I’ll never drink again This pain is a maelstrom Of twisting reality This motherfucking hangover Will be the death of me Falling to the earth And trembling in despair My past has come to shaft me Into this disrepair There’s no recollection What have I become? Loss of all direction Pounding of the drums This pain is a maelstrom Of twisting reality This motherfucking hangover Will be the death of me Downstairs door’s wide open And stomach bile’s profuse There’s a dead body in the kitchen And I need orange juice I swear upon my life I’ll never drink again FUCK! This pain is a maelstrom Of twisting reality This motherfucking hangover Will be the death of me
	6.	Don't Be A Cunt 03:24	lyrics	buy track
	The world is full of fucking wankers That just want to piss on all your chips Well I’ve got a message for all those arseholes And it goes something a bit like this Listen closely… Don’t be a cunt You know who you are Just let other people have nice things Don’t be a cunt It’s not fucking hard Just do this one thing and we all win Yeah I see you, you fucking turd Just trying to ruin everyone else’s day Just go on fire and fuck right off Don’t be a cunt and go a-fucking-way Take notes everybody… Don’t be a cunt You know who you are Just let other people have nice things Don’t be a cunt It’s not fucking hard Just do this one thing and we all win Don’t be a cunt Don’t be a cunt Don’t be a cunt Don’t be a cunt It pisses me off to this day That dicks like you can get away With ignorant arseholery Behind your mask you cannot see You stupid piece of worthless shit Just shut your mouth and seal it I hope to live to see the day Someone wipes that smile off your fucking face Don’t be a cunt You know who you are Just let other people have nice things Don’t be a cunt It’s not fucking hard Just do this one thing and we all win
	7.	My Granny's A Gusher 02:52	lyrics	buy track
	I walked down to Grandma’s house Through bear infested wood In my arms I held a parcel Filled with electric goods Carefree and unannounced I opened up the door Then shat myself in terror And I'll tell you what I saw My Granny on her back With her legs in the air Power-washing grandad In his old armchair My Granny's a gusher An ancient squirting wench A geriatric nympho With a thirst you cannot quench My Granny's a gusher Toothless and senile But when she's feeling feisty She'll flow like the river Nile I shivered and I trembled Good god how can this be That she can squirt a fountain At the age of 83 The parcel fell from my cold hands Vibrations filled the air Dildos buzzed around my feet But I could only stare She's spraying like a hose And I'm rooted in place When a stray spurt of juice Hits me full in the face My Granny's a gusher An ancient squirting wench A geriatric nympho With a thirst you cannot quench My Granny's a gusher Toothless and senile But when she's feeling feisty She'll flow like the river Nile I walked back from Grandma’s house A broken weeping mess The sight of my Granny gushing Had filled me with distress Now I can't look at Grandma I can't look into her eyes Cause I've seen the squirting cannon That lurks between her thighs She's dusting of the cobwebs Licking liver spots clean To bring that gushing quim To a venereal sheen My Granny's a gusher An ancient squirting wench A geriatric nympho With a thirst you cannot quench My Granny's a gusher Toothless and senile But when she's feeling feisty She'll flow like the river Nile
	8.	Space Force! 04:03	lyrics	buy track
	The world has gone to shit There’s global warming and terrorists It’s easy to misplace Fears of threats from outer space The leader of the US Has amassed designs beyond congress To battle this new risk Of galactic attacks from Space ISIS Fuck you NASA, we’ve got this shit Let’s make space great again Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Forcing freedom into space with the Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Fuck Space ISIS, they stole the fucking moon! Those bastards have gone too far They stole the moon, who do they think they are? Let’s take the fight to space For the American, uh, human race The space war must be won We’ll use photon bombs and laser guns Kill those rebel scum Armed to the teeth, come get some! Fuck you Nasa, we’ve got this shit Assemble the Space Horse Force Space Force! Horse Force! Space Horse! Space Force! Sending horses into space with the Space Force! Horse Force! Space Horse! Space Force! Fuck Space ISIS, they stole the fucking moon! Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Making aliens pay for walls with the Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Space Force! Making heroes out of horses with the Space Force! Forcing freedom into space with the Space Force!
	9.	CLIT Commander 04:17	lyrics	buy track
	Here’s a thing I’m not scared to admit I have dominion of the clit Tiny and in hiding and pumping with blood I’m the master excavator of the nub chub Where the hell? Why is it so dark? I think I’m lost? Am I in the ballpark? Why is this so hard? Can I phone a friend? Wait what is this? I am in command I am your CLIT Commander Spread you wide and take a gander Let's see what's under the hood Dive right in and fix it good I am your CLIT Commander The goal was found after brief meander Now I descend, a beast of glutton Not one to resist a big red button Here’s a fact I’m not scared to submit I’ve learnt all the buttons in your cockpit Writhing and I’m thriving and starting to swell I’ll pilot you to heaven and ring the doorbell Where the hell? Why is it so dark? I think I’m lost? Am I in the ballpark? Why is this so hard? Can I phone a friend? Wait what is this? I am in command I am your CLIT Commander Spread you wide and take a gander Let's see what's under the hood Dive right in and fix it good I am your CLIT Commander The goal was found after brief meander Now I descend, a beast of glutton Not one to resist a big red button Clitoris addiction, the chick stick’s everything Finding hidden pearls, deep-sea diving Apply a case of friction, causing you to sing If your pussy was a kingdom, damn girl I’d be king Grind the bean of womanhood Please the bald man in a boat Rub the pink-hooded lady Poke unto the eye of the stoat POKE UNTO THE EYE OF THE STOAT I am your CLIT Commander Spread you wide and take a gander Let's see what's under the hood Dive right in and fix it good I am your CLIT Commander The goal was found after brief meander Now I descend, a beast of glutton Not one to resist a big red button
	10.	Bums 04:38	lyrics	buy track
	BUMS BUMS BUMS BUMS Buttocks, there’s something mesmerising Warm and soft to the touch With buns like these I’m on my knees Ample, juicy, and sublime Spank with me it’s booty time BUMS I’m not obsessed I just love BUMS And let me tell you why They’re flattering and fattening Pantaloon-bespattering Peach-like nether-dyke On dat ass I would hitchhike Beauteous bootiness Derrière superfluous Counterfeit proctologist Ignore the shit and enter it Rectums, I don’t know what it is I just love the tush All colours and creed, I’ll spray my seed Ample, juicy, and sublime Spank with me it’s booty time BUMS I’m not obsessed I just love BUMS And let me tell you why They’re flattering and fattening Pantaloon-bespattering Peach-like nether-dyke On dat ass I would hitchhike Beauteous bootiness Derrière superfluous Counterfeit proctologist Ignore the shit and enter it Entering the cave Of the patootie I’m just a slave To the twerk of booty Not just a bonk More a thing of beauty Ride the bundunkadonk Get down and dirty BUMS I’m not obsessed I just love BUMS And let me tell you why They’re flattering and fattening Pantaloon-bespattering Peach-like nether-dyke On dat ass I would hitchhike Beauteous bootiness Derrière superfluous Counterfeit proctologist Ignore the shit and enter it
	11.	The Horn 03:34	lyrics	buy track
	I’ve got a condition I’m really quite the mess I have some crazy urges I truly can’t suppress When I see something That reminds me of the sex I have an awakening With immediate effect A girl eating food That’s shaped something rude And I have got The Horn A heart-warming dish That smells just like fish And I have got The Horn The list just goes on Of things that turn me on So just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn Just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn Watching a musician Blowing on a flute Observing a girl drilling The joy does not compute Watching a beer froth over And trickle down the side Wearing marigolds And popping two fingers inside The sweat on my back When it runs down my crack And I have got The Horn Bangers and mash Look like dick in a gash And I have got The Horn The list just goes on Of things that turn me on So just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn A crusty old sock That sits on my cock And I have got The Horn When I’m taking a shit And the loo paper rips And I have got The Horn The list just goes on Of things that turn me on So just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn A tropical storm That’s wet and it’s warm And I have got The Horn The feeling of dread With my dick in the dead And I have got The Horn The list just goes on Of things that turn me on So just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn The list just goes on Of things that turn me on Just for a treat I’ll fondle my meat And I have got The Horn
	12.	The Bar At The End Of The World 05:14	lyrics	buy track
	In our lifetimes we know Sure as time will flow That friends tend to come and go again But what is the cost Of all of those we’ve lost Keep their thoughts alive – we might see them again In the future there's a bar at the end of the world And some of you still owe me a beer We'll drink and be merry, in heartfelt comradery And take this party to the stratosphere Someday in the future I'll find you Your seat next to me is reserved We'll raise a glass for all the time that's passed And I'll see you all once again At the bar at the end of the world This life is strange And people change Just never forget where you’ve been coming from Hold your memories close And those you’ve loved most May join you once more and party on In the future there's a bar at the end of the world And some of you still owe me a beer We'll drink and be merry, in heartfelt comradery And take this party to the stratosphere Someday in the future I'll find you Your seat next to me is reserved We'll raise a glass for all the time that's passed And I'll see you all once again At the bar at the end of the world Someday in the future I'll find you Your seat next to me is reserved We'll raise a glass for all the time that's passed And I'll see you all once again At the bar at the end of the world At the bar at the end of the world At the bar at the end of the world At the bar at the end of the
	13.	Love Custard II - The Second Coming 05:38	lyrics	buy track
	Many years ago, a fate befell us all And few scarcely survived A lone man stood before the entire world And unleashed an almost endless tirade of semen Our cities and people were drowned And the survivors forced to live at sea Now, tales of the second coming are rife And we must once again fight for our lives Lost in a world, on the jizzy seas Fending off the spunk sharks and crusty manatees We hear of a tale, that strikes fear in the crew A second load is coming, of sticky white goo Batten down the hatches (Aye!) Hoist the storm sails (Aye!) Get eyes in the crow’s nest (Aye!) We must not fail! Pass me the spyglass (Aye!) The Man Foam is close (Aye!) All brace for impact (Aye!) Thar she blows! Now is the time to fight for our lives This sticky salted cock snot seeks our demise Avast ye spermy dog, that could not leave well alone The Second Coming’s coming, a ball barf cyclone Forced to set sail, through the deluge of the storm Receiving a dowsing, in the cream of the unborn Yet we battle on, as the spunk is sprayed Sticking to my crew, like a warm white marmalade Batten down the hatches (Aye!) Hoist the storm sails (Aye!) Get eyes in the crow’s nest (Aye!) We must not fail! Pass me the spyglass (Aye!) The Wang Pus is close (Aye!) All brace for impact (Aye!) Thar she blows! Now is the time to fight for our lives This sticky salted cock snot seeks our demise Avast ye spermy dog, that could not leave well alone The Second Coming’s coming, a ball barf cyclone There’s no place to go And no safe haven awaits This lurid chode nectar Spreads and decimates We could just give in Say humanity is lost But I say we fight And we win at all costs Onwards! Cut through the storm To find the source of the sauce, to end the sea of cum Fighting! With my maties at my side We’ll castrate his evil tallywags with a broadside

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released June 1, 2019

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Footprints In The Custard Manchester, UK

Award-winning Party Metal Band from Manchester, UK.

Heavy and catchy tunes about partying, smelly genitals, unusual sexual habits, and bears.

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